class b baloney bodge job

There's a lot of bad dope on cannabis going round at the moment, enough to make any decent cannabis user suffer from paranoia.

The worst strain of bad stuff is of course the government's decision to make their cannabis policy 'Class B' for baloney. This comes into effect tomorrow [Jan 26th] and has cannabis users freaking out to the point that some of them can even be bothered to organise a protest, even if it is only a few days late, on Weds January 28th, which is actually perfect timing for Prime Minister's Baloney Time.

In fact cannabis users, and their natural allies in the police force, can relax and chill, because Class B for cannabis really, really is baloney. This is because, on January 26, in an amazing coincidence worthy of the Fortiean Times, cannabis possession will be made Class B .... and put on a special 'PND' list of minor offences which are exempted from court prosecution, to the horror of the Daily Telegraph and the Magistrates Association.

Under these rules a first offence attracts a warning, a second offence gets a fine of 80 pounds. Even better is the fact that first offence warnings will not be registered on the police computer, so it will be difficult if not impossible for anyone to be fined for a second offence. This is really good news, especially for tax payers. When cannabis was previously Class B there were about 100,000 prosecutions a year, costing about 10,000 pounds each according to Hansard; that's a cool one billion a year blown on cannabis baloney. But now, with their Class B for baloney policy, the government can look really stupid about cannabis, and talk a load of 'class b' baloney about cannabis, all without it costing anything.

There is just one problem. The government's cannabis prohibition policies cost a fortune in lost tax revenues thanks to Inland Revenue rules which allow several million people to use cannabis tax free paying no VAT what so ever, while traders do not have to pay tax on any of their cannabis profits.

By giving cannabis tax free status that is even better than given for aviation fuel, Gordon Brown is in fact subsidising the cannabis industry at vast public expense in an invisible bailout costing several billion a year in lost tax revenue. This is why Cannabis Prohibition is still the most expensive and stupid mistake in British legal history. It really is baloney.

• How to avoid prosecution for cannabis possession - carry your cannabis in a bag or envelope clearly marked "For The Police". If stopped by the police say you found the cannabis and put it in the envelope in order to hand it in to the nearest police station. This makes a successful prosecution for cannabis possession almost impossible, or at least of some entertainment value.

• 'the government's drug policy, is it working' was an interesting house of lords debate last week.

• massive cannabis civil disobedience campaign