get ready to be itemised

Above: the Itemiser by GE Security Products (click image to enlarge).

All over Britain people are being 'itemised' by a new machine called the Itemiser which is being used by the police to test for drugs and explosives.

More than 400 people were 'Itemised' in one night by police in Reading recently.

The Itemiser is a desktop testing lab which can detect traces of all kinds of drugs and explosives in 7 seconds - and make life hell for the innocent recreational or medical cannabis user.

Designed to be highly portable it can run for 60 mins on rechargable batteries and can easly be set up at stations, airports, or outside cool clubs, major city financial institutions, weddings, funerals and at events like Ascot and the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace.

Unless you play it safe and never go out ever again it is fairly likely that you will encounter this desk top civil liberties zapper sooner rather than later.

• GE Security Products should re format the Itemiser so it ignores cannabis and just looks for explosives, guns, knives and the stench of corruption.